Posted by: CatherineD | September 1, 2009

Things

I am a lucky girl. For the last six years, Brian and I have been comfortable.  We both had good jobs, and we have been fortunate enough to do things, see things and buy things. It is well known by our friends and family that I love to shop. Shopping has always been an outlet for me – a sort of therapy whenever I needed a boost. It usually worked.

Until now. When we received our referral for Daniel, our SW warned that many parents find that this period between referral and travel call is the toughest. I didn’t think it would be for me. I remember her smiling and saying “I hope that is true.” I had plans. Now that I knew we were getting a boy, I was so excited to go out and buy things for him. I knew that it would certainly keep me busy. And it did, for awhile. After years of longing for a baby, I already had a lot of these ‘things’ picked out and bookmarked. They were the things that I knew I MUST have when I have a baby.

So, now we have baby things. Lots of baby things. These past few weeks, as the time gets closer, I keep going to Target and the mall, looking for more things and trying to fill more time. Lately, the scene goes something like this: I circle the entire store or baby section numerous times, filling my basket with more things. After at least 30 minutes, I look at all of these things and realize that either we don’t need them or I should wait until Daniel’s here (due to size questions, mainly). So, I circle the store many more times putting EVERYTHING back where I found it (okay – sometimes I cheat and put everything back on the same shelf). Then, I leave the store empty-handed and unsatisfied.

After going through this ritual again last night at Costco, I said to Brian, “I’m tired of things!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m tired of using things to try and fill this hole. We don’t need anymore things. All we need is Daniel.”

Judging by the knowing smile on his face, I’m pretty sure Brian had known this all along. He has been so sweet to humor me and let me go through this ritual over and over. I guess in a way, it was something I needed to do and find out for myself.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am still a shopper, and I’m sure Daniel will become pretty familiar with my favorite stores, but what I’ve realized is that nothing can make this feeling/ache/longing go away. I can distract myself with appointments, lunch dates, shopping, blogging, cleaning and organizing – but it’s still there in the end. Ugh, I don’t mean to be so dramatic, but it’s such a weird feeling that I can’t really explain it.

So now we’re only weeks away! I’m a little overwhelmed. Will we be ready? Do we have what we need? Actually – I’m confident that we’re covered in the ‘thing’ category.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite things:

I think this shirt is so cute! I'm not a rocker and I don't know I could identify an AC/DC song, but I had to have this shirt!

I think this shirt is so cute! I'm not a rocker and I don't know if I could identify an AC/DC song, but I had to have this shirt!

Had to have this bag, and my mom got it for me for my birthday - in March! You'll laugh, but I'm not taking it to Korea because I don't want to get it dirty (and it's just so bulky for the airplane lavatory)

Had to have this bag, and my mom got it for me for my birthday - in March! You'll laugh, but I'm not taking it to Korea because I don't want to get it dirty (between airport bathrooms and the airplane lavatory - yuck!).

Probably my MOST FAVORITE thing - my mom made this.

Probably my MOST FAVORITE thing - my mom made this.

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Responses

  1. OK – I LOVE THAT QUILT!!! (I also love that bag!)

    And I so get what you mean about the “things” – although my “things” were what got me through the wait to referral. But I soooo get it.

    And Spencer totally recognizes the big red circle in front of our target!

  2. I think you did a really good job explaining what you mean, and I can understand how you could just get to that point where “things” just aren’t a good substitute for the real thing anymore! You have clearly reached that point, and I get it. You articulated that feeling so well.

    OMG, your mom’s quilt is BEAUTIFUL! Will she make me one? 🙂 Love the colors too. And the bag? Totally adorable.

  3. Oh, my heart just aches for you. Just so beautifully put and I love that your hubby was so sweet about you figuring it out. Just lovely…
    And that quilt is AWESOME.
    Oh, and I laughed out loud reading that you had to have the AB/CD shirt and couldn’t recognize an AC/DC song… I love the shirt and would be in the same predicament of not knowing the band it referenced. Hee…

  4. Thanks for your comments on my blog today! I look forward to reading about your journey. I can tell already that you have a lovely way with words! We actually started with Korea (which is why I read a lot of Korean adoption blogs) but were rejected due to my prior antidepressant usage and ongoing therapy.

    Congratulations on your referral of Daniel! As much as I long for that time (we are at least a year away from our referral) I also know it will be really difficult. I can understand that you are tiring of things and just want that boy already! Hang in there. LOVE those things you posted, by the way!

  5. I’m all teary eyed – that shopping story is so sweet. Yep – all you need is your son! Stuff will come – as you need it.
    I have wanted that AB/CD shirt for some time! I just haven’t seen one in a store.


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