Posted by: CatherineD | September 14, 2009

Weird Day

Today was a really weird day. I think I went through the full range of emotions today. This morning started out right with a brisk walk around the neighborhood with Lily. Feeling good, feeling confident. I’m the pack leader! Then I sat down and made a list of what I wanted to accomplish: Clip coupons, grocery shopping, finish organizing the office, go through the gazillion spices in the cupboard and throw out the old stuff, clear some kitchen shelf space to designate a ‘Daniel’ shelf or two.

But before I started my list of projects, I decided to read blogs and email really quick. Right… this is when the procrastinating began. After reading my regular blogs, I started searching for new blogs of interest. Then, I did a little online window-shopping. Then, I made a batch of brownies and ate some as I watched the news. Feeling really guilty and depressed the whole time for wasting such a big chunk of the day.

At 3 p.m., I got back to my list. Clipped coupons and went grocery shopping. At the grocery store is where it got really weird. I had just gotten there when a blond woman passed me with a beautiful Asian baby boy in her cart. He looked about 9 or 10 months. She caught me staring, looking from the baby to her, and back again, and I immediately felt awful – and I wanted to explain why I was staring. “It’s not what you think!” I wanted to say. I stood there, looking at the spices, trying to decide what to say to her. “Where is your baby from?” No… “Where was your baby born?” No… “Did you adopt your son?” Oh no… “I’m in the process of adopting my son from Korea. Your baby made me think of him.” Uh- no… “Excuse me – if you don’t mind me asking, is your son from Korea?”

What if he wasn’t adopted? What if the father was Asian and the baby just looked nothing like his mother? I didn’t want to offend her. Or, what if he was adopted, but she had no interest in connecting with another family adopting from Korea? That would be awkward. After awhile of pretending to shop for spices, I decided not to say anything. I don’t know why, but I teared up thinking about the potential connection that I missed out on. As I continued shopping, every baby I saw, every toddler that ran by, every cry I heard – they all made me teary. I wanted to sit down in the middle of the cookie aisle, rip open a package of Orange Milanos and cry. But I didn’t. Somehow, I made it through the rest of my shopping list, hoping that I wouldn’t see the mother & baby again. Then, when I stood looking for a checkout line, I looked for them again. Maybe, if I got in line behind them, I could still have a chance. But I didn’t see them.

So, I get home and remember that I promised Brian I would make banana bread with the overripe bananas on the counter. I decided to try a new recipe for banana cake. It was from one of those community fund-raiser cookbooks that clubs often put together. I thought it was strange that the recipe only called for one loaf pan, but I followed it anyway. Even when the batter completely filled the pan, I decided to put it in the oven anyway – after all, that’s what the recipe said!

While the cake was in the oven, I started making rice and browning ground turkey for the stuffed bell peppers I was planning for dinner. When the kitchen filled with smoke and a burning smell, I just assumed it was some crumbs on the burners and turned on the fan to suck up the smoke. After about 20 min, I decided to check on the cake. Here’s what I found…

Failed Banana Cake

All I could do was laugh. And of course take pictures. I cleaned up the oven and finished making dinner (which turned out okay – yaaay!).

While we ate dinner, we watched America’s Got Talent. For the first time ever in reality TV history, I was inspired to vote! I voted for Barbara Padilla –  a mom, wife, cancer survivor and opera singer. She has an absolutely amazing voice. I am so in awe of her dedication – in spite of everything that’s going on in her life.

See, it wasn’t an awful day – just kinda weird! I might normally ask for a ‘do-over,’ but not this time. I am one more day closer to meeting Daniel, so I guess it makes this a good day. Bring it on!

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Responses

  1. What a great post! OK, I know that lots of weird, not-so-great things happened to you today but I have to say that I really “felt” exactly what you were going through. You told it so well. So, yes, it was a weird day and I’m sorry about that but at least you are a good story-teller 🙂 And – like you said – ONE DAY CLOSER to Daniel…

  2. I TOTALLY remember those days like your shopping trip. Hang in there. The waiting is really hard and feels really long. I can’t help but chuckle about the banana bread – heehee!! I’m really very impressed with all of the baking and cooking in ONE day. You go girl!!

  3. Isn’t it hard when all you want to do is cry and you are in a public place? Been there – not fun =- but we get through it and remember – tomorrow is another day – and yes, another day closer to your travel call! It wasn’t even Wacky Wednesday! (remember that book? It was a fav of mine)
    The banana bread still looked very yummy.

  4. This post and your post from the other night at 3 a.m. remind me soooo much of what I was feeling while we were waiting to bring J home. I think every mama goes through these emotions as they are waiting for their child, but even more so with first time mamas because until you have your child in your arms, it’s all only contemplative “what-ifs.” Just keep taking one day at a time. Daniel will be home- I won’t say soon, because who knows for sure when, but he will come home!

  5. We’ve all been there. And I agree with Kelly – you did a great job making us all feel what you felt! I can’t tell you how many times I was guilty of ogling someone else’s Asian baby!!! I would look at them, smile, and then tell Adam “I want one!” Pitiful, right? Just think that when Daniel’s home, there will be other mamas-to-be ogling him!
    Oh, and I love the banana cake pic. Too funny.

  6. Ditto on all the comments above. I definitely knew those teary moments looking at every baby passing by. The banana bread looks good!

  7. As you know, I can relate to weird/off days. 🙂

    I also so relate to your shopping trip!!

  8. That does sound like a weird day! But I’m glad in the end it all worked out. I was struck by something in your comments about the grocery store – perhaps as adoptive parents we will need to keep the type of thoughts you were having in mind while we see others looking at us with our transracial children. Perhaps they are thinking similar things and they just don’t know what to say? Also, I am bummed that I missed America’s Got Talent last night – I got sucked in this summer. I also think she should win! Amazing story and what a voice!

    • Kelly – I absolutely agree when it comes to the ogling and what people might be thinking. Definitely a good lesson to keep in mind.

  9. I’ve felt the same way in stores or public places…when I see families that appear to be formed by international adoption…especially if the children look Asian. I always wanted to say something…because I mean I HAD A REASON, right? I didn’t say anything, like you didn’t. I think that is OK. But…now…I cannot wait until I see someone like this AND I have Baby D with me…I guess I won’t have to hold back anymore…or at least not as much. Maybe they’ll say something first? It hasn’t happened yet…but we haven’t done much shopping with him yet. Just went to Walgreen’s today (in the stroller)…first “shopping” trip for him. I figured that was easy enough.

  10. […] Cake – Attempt #2 After yesterday’s frustrating banana cake mishap, I thought I’d give it another try. I had one more overripe banana, so why not? This time, I […]


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